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  1. Party Slut?

    July 20, 2003 by barffie

    I remember someone calling me tt b4…
    Now tt I look back n see…
    actually i’m quite a HEONG party animal man…
    i drink n drink
    i dance n i dance
    MUAHAAHAHAAA!!!!

    Went to Zouk for the Very Girlie Night on Friday
    danced until my pants drop…
    heheheee… :)
    NOT!!!
    i was wearing skirt lehhh… :O
    mei mei ooor…

    but we all had fun!
    very shiokkk…

    but – party slut?
    s.l.u.t?
    hmmm…

    i think i dance pretty slutty sometimes man… :P
    tt’s no good…
    people –
    shld i control myself?
    or just as long i dun dance sluttily w strangers (ie guys)
    it shld be ok?
    i wun strip man…
    dun worry
    :D

    what u guys think?


  2. Retreat?!

    July 16, 2003 by barffie

    well went to my company’s retreat today
    8:30am <<< bladdy unearthly hour man
    and i spent 15 bucks to get from bedok to hotel new otani?!
    *bleep* <<< censored

    talking abt how we shld work things out
    n conform to their strategy
    (hey i’m a non-confirmist ok…
    and a non-lecture person)

    been passing msgs
    smsing
    doodling – from caricatures of my colleagues
    - to still life of the table arrangement
    (not exactly la. just the fork)
    badly drawn some more
    ahahahaha….

    but at least got freee foooooodddd
    :)
    exciting huh…

    anyways
    going back to work
    anyway who else going for the Very Girlie shit?

    Ravenelle?
    Aces Attic???
    So far only got Raisins n Kyo…
    :|
    thing is girl bring girl
    guy bring girl
    so you all call meeeeeee >:@

    ok?


  3. Garbage

    July 14, 2003 by barffie

    I would die for you
    I would die for you
    I’ve been dying just to feel you by my side
    To know that you’re mine

    I will cry for you
    I will cry for you
    I will wash away your pain with all my tears
    And I will feel

    I will pray for you
    I will pray for you
    I will sell my soul for something pure and true
    Someone like you

    See your face every place that I walk in
    Hear your voice every time I am talking
    You will believe in me
    And I will never be ignored

    I will burn for you
    Feel pain for you
    I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart
    I’ll tear it apart

    I will lie for you
    I can steal for you
    I will crawl on hands and knees until you see
    You’re just like me

    Violate all my love that I’m missing
    Throw away all the pain that I’m living
    You will believe in me
    And I can never be ignored

    I would die for you
    I would kill for you
    I will steal for you
    I’d do time for you
    I would rape for you
    I’d make room for you
    I’d sail ships for you
    To be close to you
    To be a part of you
    ‘Cause I believe in you
    I believe in you
    I would die for you

    Scary kinda crush man…
    but then again…


  4. i’m still here! :)

    July 14, 2003 by barffie

    well people
    i know i shocked some of u guys out there
    with my long, heavy, deep, dark post…

    but do not feel upset or worried…
    i am still ok
    it’s only certain moments that i’ll do that kinda stupid things…
    i think i survived alot of things in life that really bothered me…
    so –
    i am a stronger person now!

    i can feel it man…
    seriously… :)

    ~ I will survive, I will hold my head up higggghhh~~~
    (dancing disco steps)

    decided to go for Zoukout
    for those who saw this post – pls call me
    we’ll buy the 26th July $35 tickets!!!

    also
    i got next Friday’s Very Girlie passes…
    to Zouk
    dunno what ijjit abt?

    who wanntttt???? :D
    u know what to dooooo

    muaahahahahaa…


  5. :P

    July 12, 2003 by barffie

    yeah i know i need to let loose man…
    but it’s just something tt i did last time man…
    i’ll never do tt now
    but i still imagine stuff…
    not healthy –
    but i guess it’ll all work out somehow
    thanks ppl… :P

    well more heart to heart talk?
    tt’s y i have this blogspot i guess
    easier to update than my webbie… :P

    but i just feel bitter
    but who’ll knows man next time i might be rich
    and happy?
    haahahahah


  6. depression?

    July 12, 2003 by barffie

    suicidal thoughts?

    i’ve had my fair share of them…
    since i was… like… 12?

    family problems…
    mostly, made me wanna draw away from my family n my home somehow…
    very much in fact.

    maybe tt’s y i’m always staying out.
    avoiding my mum n stuff…

    maybe i got “controlled” too much in my teenage yrs…
    now tt i “grew up”
    or i really meant grow older physically…
    maybe mentally i’m still stuck at tt bitter youth thingy…

    i feel old…
    maybe it’s work
    maybe it’s what happened to my previous relationship
    maybe i just wanna get over with life
    and be done with it

    yup
    but i haven’t killed myself yet
    i don’t think i have the courage for that…
    yet

    a few times i found myself taking a kitchen knife n attempting to slit my wrists
    but, it hurts
    and i dun have tt courage to push down hard…
    n i end up with broken skin for a few days…
    i remembered once tying a bandana on my wrist when i went to work…
    pretending to be cool or something…
    the guilt, and the shame.

    the scars are already gone

    and many times i pictured myself covered in blood
    lying in the bathroom
    literally flooded with blood

    and how my funeral would turn out to be
    no religion
    (my mum will definitely do her buddhist thingy, but it’s betta than the taoist thing!)
    no big sending-away-last-journey thing
    just cremate me – no need for burial
    why waste that space, and the money
    for someone who will leave the world ANYWAY?

    we r only here for a short while
    so enjoy while it still lasts…

    pessimistic?
    yes i always have been
    i think too much i know
    i know my faults, my weaknesses, my horrible thoughts…
    are not healthy
    but i can’t help but feel disappointed with life…

    for those of u reading this
    pls do not worry for me
    i’ll be fine… really…

    i just need to be a better daughter to my mum now
    a better sister to my siblings
    a better friend to my … real friends…
    a better me to myself…

    i’m afraid of growing old.
    old and useless.
    old and useless and senile.

    i wish i can…
    just fade away… :|

    unless… i dunno man
    guess i’m still searching for my real aim in life.
    money?
    career?
    love?
    nothingness?

    argh…


  7. going out for shoots :|

    July 11, 2003 by barffie

    well today is a shooting day…
    day 1 of 5…
    argh…
    burning weekend nights aren’t a really happening thing…
    guess i shld claim one day off ya…

    thinking of grabbing a pair of heels next week…
    this week is a goner man…

    in a low low depression mode…

    and…
    i need my own space man…
    no personal space at home…
    argh i can’t even blast the mini compo…
    :(


  8. Got this from a colleague

    July 10, 2003 by barffie

    Got this from a colleague

    ————–

    “A jobless man applied for the position of ‘office boy’ at Microsoft. The
    HR manager interviewed him, then gave him a test, which was to clean the
    floor. After that the HR manager said “You are engaged, give me your
    e-mail address, and I’ll send you the application to fill, as well as when
    you will start”.

    The man replied, ” I don’t have a computer, neither an email! ” “I’m sorry”,
    said the HR manager, “if you don’t have an email, that means you do not
    exist. And who doesn’t exist, cannot have the job”.

    The man left with no hope at all. He didn’t know what to do, with only
    10US$ in his pocket. The man then decided to go to the supermarket and buy
    a 10Kg tomato crate. He sold the tomatoes in a door-to-door round.

    In less than two hours, He succeeded to double his capital. He repeated
    the operation three times, and returned home with 60 US$. The man realized
    that he could survive this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and
    return late. Thus, his money doubled and tripled day by day.

    Shortly later, he bought a car, then a truck, then he had his own fleet of
    delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man became one of the biggest food
    retailers in the U. S. He started to plan his family’s future, and decided
    to get life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and choose a
    protection plan.
    When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him for his email.
    The man replied: “I don’t have an email”. The broker replied curiously,
    “You don’t have an email, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Do
    you imagine what you could have been if you had an email?”!!

    The man thought for a while, and replied: “an office boy at Microsoft!”

    “The moral of this story:
    1- Internet is not the solution to your life
    2- if you don’t have Internet, and work hard, you can be a millionaire.
    (That may be true in certain ways)
    3- if you received this message by email, you are closer to be an office boy,
    rather than a millionaire. (No offence)”

    >>> Well it did make me think so a while…
    But sometimes, luck is not always on your side…
    The stroke of genius moment…
    Let’s say if the guy offers to clear his neighbour’s toilet for a fee…
    He could have been a tycoon of the sanitaryware industry or something!
    I dunno la
    toking crap
    ahahhha :)


  9. Shopping List…

    July 10, 2003 by barffie

    1. DVD player
    2. 14 inch TV
    3. Heels (and i mean glam ones)
    4. More plastic / metal bangles
    5. ADSL modem? ;\ (if i sign on this singnet plan – then can get free…)
    6. iPod (just a thought)

    These I will buy over the next few mths…
    as for the iPod – maybe… next year?
    or IF got bonus, or…

    7. A Brand New PC?!

    :P ~~~~
    (women and their secret desires huh)


  10. saving $$$

    July 9, 2003 by barffie

    not been able to save up recently
    must be the major change in my life right now
    now tt i’m trying to indulge in myself
    my looks n stuff :P
    is tt a bad thing???
    i use to be able to save alot alot… :|

    this mth left with… $200+++ to spend until payday…
    > bought contacts
    > yoga mat
    > a few movies
    > bills
    > give to mama
    woohooo!!!! this is marvelous… -_-

    eating packed lunch > kindly cooked by mama… :)
    save money ar…

    thinking of zoukout
    $35 for 26th July
    get someone to buy first – if not at the door $45!!!!

    the government now allows people to dance on bar tops
    and issuing licenses for 24hr nightspots
    > i think i will try tt out one day…
    the 24hr thing of coz, not the BAR TOP?!!!
    u want???? leave it in the comments! :B

    anyway i think if i’m drunk enough
    with the right crowd
    right music
    right place…
    i might dance on e bar top though…
    i think not – i not sexy enough…
    my wild flinging of arms will only gain me unwanted attention
    jeers?
    boos?
    wolf whistles?
    friends running away out of embarrassment?

    oh man…


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