There’s always one reason
To feel not good enough
And it’s hard at the end of the day
I need some distraction
Oh beautiful release
Memory seeps from my veins
Let me be empty
And weightless and maybe
I’ll find some peace tonight
- Angel by Sarah Mclachlan
少羡慕
多看书
少消沉
多知足
少懒惰
多努力
少贪心
多珍惜
少花钱
多善心
—
Finished another weekend of lessons and I am feeling a little drained.
Perhaps it’s the awful sinus acting up on me again, had to take Zyrtec-D which resulted in a drowsy afternoon in class. Zzz.
Bah. Be gone, you stupid sniffies!
Me at Cugini. Love the truffle and potato ravioli!
I’m gonna be at school from 2-6pm and we’ll be having a quiet dinner afterwards 
I hope this year will go smoothly and healthily
Last night all my fears reared its ugly head. I feel terrible and that feeling didn’t go away no matter how hard I tried to convince myself.
Life sucks infinitely as of this moment.
Many years ago, I heard one of Chen Sheng’s songs on the radio and I ended up sitting there sobbing late into the night. Why? You may ask. Because I hoped for someone to be there for me at that moment.
It was one of those nights when the loneliness was too awful to bear. One of those nights when only a real, warm hug could cure, but there was no such hug coming to me. I’ve never handled loneliness well. Can’t be left with my own thoughts, perhaps. I’ll drive myself nuts.
Losing hope is a horrible thing for the young adult that I was. I needed an affirmation somewhere, and found it in this song.
It’s not the original video, so the tiny size is more than enough ya.
《不再让你孤单》 was the song I had hoped someone who could “sing” to me. Someone who’d tell me, that he’ll never let me be lonely again. I know, this is the kind of emo that I don’t usually display, but I did feel like that… and I remembered how that feeling ate away at me.
After the concert last night, some pain just welled back up and wouldn’t go away…
让我轻轻吻着你的脸
擦干你伤心的眼泪
让你知道在孤单的时候
还有一个我
陪着你
让我轻轻的对着你歌唱
像是吹在草原上的风
只想静静听你呼吸
紧紧拥抱你到天明
路遥远
我们一起走
让你飞翔在你每个彩色的梦中
对你说我爱你
hu……
我不再让你孤单我的风霜你的单纯
我不再让你孤单一起走到地老天荒我不再让你孤单我的疯狂你的天真
我不再让你孤单一起走到地老天荒
路遥远路遥远
我不再让你孤单
I am afraid of the big unknown. So afraid that I will lose it all, I’d cry myself awake some nights from this recurring nightmare. He’d always knew what those nightmares were made of. I was so glad I had him beside me when I jolt back into reality, tears and all.
I don’t ever want to lose that sense of security, that vault where my weak heart is held.
Please, never take that from me. Please.
I recently became a classical music convert. Used to find the very notion of classical music snooty, unapproachable and un-groovy, in general. Not sure where the initial interest came from, but I still do snigger at Janise when she talks about her love of piano music from time to time. I’ve always found guitar solos much more intriguing than the tinkling of the pianoforte, but that has come to change quite a bit.
I first found one of my favourite classical piano pieces through… a movie? Not sure what movie was that, but the tune stuck. Like the haunting motif played by a quartet from the “Requiem For A Dream” soundtrack, one that eventually became an epic version used in many epic Hollywood trailers ad nauseum… good music sticks to my head like chewing gum to the sole of a shoe.
Bad analogy, but you know what I mean.
Gymnopedie No. 1 by Erik Satie (not my favourite rendition, but the video is decent at least)
I used to listen to this on loop. Just so I could fall asleep. Played in a slow-ish tempo, it can really be one great lullaby. What a way to appreciate classical music right? But I love every note of it. It’s the first of a piano suite by a French composer, Erik Satie. It’s really pretty, and since then I have sought to find more piano pieces like that.
Then came Twilight. Yes, that piece. You can stop gagging now.
Clair De Lune by Claude Debussy. Please enjoy the cheesy still images from the movie.
It was my favourite moment in the sappy, sappy film. Edward brought Bella to his home for the first time and put on this CD. As the first tinklings of the piano rang out, I knew I was in trouble.
I watch movies with a tinge of prejudice most of the time, and this was one moment in the film (which I cringed at the idea of even watching it) that made me go, “Hey, that wasn’t too bad, was it?”. Good music make or break a movie, and this one added points to the first Twilight adaptation in some odd, but perverse way.
Coincidentally, a part of this piece was sampled in one of my favourite electronica band’s music. Loving this for years, I just didn’t know the sample was from Debussy’s piece…
Angelica by Lamb. Just beautiful.
Recently, I fell madly in love with the anime, Nodame Cantabile. It’s about a couple and their journey with classical music and all. So addictive, I finished all 3 seasons in one weekend.
Then you know… I saw the Ikea Cats TVC and I just had to share the original, unedited version of the piece used in the ad. Not classical music per se, but the influence is apparent.
Pianni by Mara Carlyle. So dreamy. Comes with wispy vocals.
So there, sharing music in a silly way again. I’m not sure if anybody’s reading this anyway. But please enjoy.
Cats and Ikea, 2 of my favourites in the world. Put them together and it’s… magical!
I didn’t manage to get a season parking lot though. But I love the card holder I got for the staff pass and locker key.
He was under a nasty bout of viral flu… the poor boy is seldom ill, but once he does, it’s usually pretty bad.
I was expecting him to rest the day away, and wait for me to get home with the new bag of cat litter after school, so we could start our Saturday clean-up routine after dinner.
Little did I know, he “surprised” me by cleaning up the house while I was away that afternoon.
Then came Sunday, I was packed with a full day of lectures and group discussions. He got me a 500GB Western Digital portable hard-disk that came with the essential FireWire 800 connection, that I needed for my new job.
How not to love a man like that? 
Note: Long overdue post, but here it goes!
—
The older I got, the more kiasee I get. I used to think I was invincible, and that nothing untoward would happen to me if I behaved myself and all. What’s the worst that could happen? Even though I had an awful family history of cancer, diabetes and hypertension, I could just try to eat healthier (which I didn’t) and all will be well.
As you age, as the warranty period is over, the wear and tear soon shows up on your blood test, and yes, I didn’t get good health results in 2009. I had a slipped disc condition, a high triglycerides condition to manage and have discovered some issues with my inner plumbing (it’s called PCOS – Polycystic Ovary Syndrome).
Of course, this is just a lengthy introduction as to why I don’t feel invincible anymore. I have taken my health for granted and I guess it’s high time I pick up the tab and take control of my body. If it didn’t happen to me back then, that doesn’t mean it won’t happen to me in future.
Photo courtesy of nadnut.com. Me at Dr. ieatishootipost’s clinic.
So, despite the personal financial crunch, I have joined a couple of ladies to get the first dose of our Cervarix vaccination together, in support of the Power Over Cervical Cancer movement in Singapore. I am taking an active approach to guarding my body against the possibility of getting cervical cancer, a disease that has taken many lives of women around the world. To be frank, it’s getting a little too common for younger women to get it. So don’t think you won’t kena just because you are young. Youth only protects against wrinkles, probably, but even that will come to pass.
8 Facts I Want To Share (according to the limited knowledge that I have):
1. Cervical cancer is well… the cancer of the cervix. The real entrance to our womb. The other kinds of cancer that could afflict women are ovarian cancer, uterine cancer, breast cancer… you get the drift.
2. Cervical cancer can be caused by certain strains of the Human Papillomavirus (HPV). It basically will screw around with your system.
3. If you have a sex life, the chances of you getting HPV is very high. Even more so if you started “doing it” before you turn 18. You won’t know if the strains you have are the nasty ones unless you do a proper check with a doctor.
4. Get a Pap Smear done every year. A simple swabbing procedure that takes less than 5 minutes could save your life, because the smear can tell the doctor if you have precancerous cells in your cervix. Women have indoor plumbing that is tricky to monitor for malignant changes, so get it done.
5. Cancer can be nipped in the bud if found early. Don’t leave things to chance. Cancer won’t go away by itself even if you ignore it. It gets worse.
6. It only takes 3 injections to vaccinate yourself against 2 types of HPV virus (16 & 18) that cause about 70% of cervical cancer cases, but it doesn’t come cheap though. $450 for the full course at KK Hospital is a huge bill to swallow, but look, it could help you prevent against a possibly deadly disease that could eat up all of your insurance policies and savings in no time at all.
7. Come on. It’s only 3 injections. You get a hell lot more jabs and pills if you got the cancer instead. Choy choy but that’s a fact.
8. Even if you are currently in a faithful monogamous relationship, you still could be afflicted with HPV, because of your previous partners, and because of your current partner’s previous partners. This vaccination still works up to a certain extent to protect you against the cancer, so it’s still worth it.
—
I am done with my 2nd dose that took place 1 month after the 1st, and the 3rd dose will come 6 months later. It’s not that painful, just a little muscle ache around the injection site for 2 days afterwards… we can handle it. No problemo. So, get it done will ya?