going to batam early in the morning for some retreat.
coming back on sat afternoon…
i’ll miss fooling ard w e computer o_O
haha and going to e irc…
and blogging…
ahz tt’s how no-life i am now. 
having a headache, logging off now.
not as if anyone reads this… but…
ya i got a headache n no one to hug to sleep. :X
alright so i am noisy n talkative.
but wat is IRC without chatty ppl?
a roomful of parkers.
a channel with 300+ ppl, and none talking. WTF!
and in real life,
i am noisy n talkative as well,
complete with actions and sound effects to match.
but i feel happy lighting up the faces of ppl around me.
either with bad jokes or a rare ingenious one.
so far i haven’t pissed anybody off with my lame jokes,
except one i think. =\
alain mentioned i am still young,
during a mass bitching session tt lasted for 2 hrs jus now.
he said tt my focus is not tt concentrated yet.
i think he has a good point,
i am still fooling ard, wanting to hv fun,
wandering around, exploring myself, and the world around me…
pardon me my true friends,
if i sometimes MIA for no reason.
sometimes i jus wanna hide into my own ALT world.
maybe tt’s why i am not tt dedicated in my craft THAT much.
but i guess the promotion came in at a good time,
it pulls me back onto planet earth once more.
and i am now clear tt what i SHOULD do.
absorb more.
more cultural stuff, more design influences, more philosophy,
more life experiences, more books, more inspiration,
more music, more tranquility, more chaos, more everything…
so tt i can hv more inspiration for my work the next time.
sometimes opening up ur world and exploring it,
can bring in more creative juices… 
time to read more books, surf more design webbies,
travel to more places, meet more people, take more photos…
ahz and it’s time to tap into the resources of my brain.
let my heart empty out for a while in a certain dept,
and still possessing the passion for life, family and friends,
work and all tt is beautiful…
and keeping it warm n beating.
yes, my heart is still beating.
congratulations a l t.
u screwed up big time, and u know it.
but there’s nothing u can do.
nothing.
time to eat humble pie,
and scuttle away with ur tail in between ur legs…
AND, leave him alone.
trespassers will be shot.
thanks to those of u ppl who bothered to listen to my rants.
but.
gimme some time.
i think i’ll be over it. soon.
i think.
ahz… maybe i need more time.
Absolut Vanilla is finally coming to singapore!
I yearn to taste it ~~~
The launch is on 5 March at Velvet.
But oh wait. I’ll be at Batam.
Just great.
“I know you think that I shouldn’t still love you
I’ll tell you that
But if I didn’t say it
Well, I’d still have felt it
Where’s the sense in that?
I promise I’m not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be
I know I left too much mess
And destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can’t talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of “It’s over”
Then I’m sure that that makes sense
And when we meet
As I’m sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
I’ll let it pass
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I’ve moved on
Well I will go down with this ship
And I won’t put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I’m in love and always will be”
~ White Flag by Dido
Will be having a really long week.
1 Movie trailer, 1 Launch trailer,
1 launch trailer to repackage,
1 Paradise Hotel, 1 Cadbury sponsor thingy to settle…
1 other episodic I think.
All to complete by Thursday… *slaps forehead*
Cos will be going to Batam on Friday for a company retreat,
I heard they’ll be planning some lousy boost-morale games…
Oh man… I jus wish for karaoke competition or something. -_-”’
Shifted my entire site to this new server.
Aloofhosting.com
Not bad no pop ups no banner ads…
FTP access… 50 MB… WHAT MORE CAN I ASK FOR! 
Guess too many ppl read my blog n r able to access my pics n stuff,
gotta do damage control liaoz… 
Anyways, added a tagboard/chatterbox- whatever…
feel free to yak!
For the first time in my life in March 2003,
I travelled without the presence of my family members.
To Redang Island.
I was happy then.
After that month, I lost Mr Fatty.
I changed my outlook in life drastically,
changed my image, amongst others.
I learnt to love myself,
and learnt to care less about what others think.
I learnt to club the no holds barred method.
I learnt to enjoy buying things for myself.
Come March 2004,
I was reminded by someone of my real flaws.
Apart from the usual pessimism, insecurity, lack of confidence…
Actually I am quite an ill-mannered person.
I have to admit that the things he said were pretty true.
I’m so ashamed of my actions…
I was perhaps too engrossed in my own transformation,
tt I forgot some things tt a person shld do.
Call it stubbornness or denial…
But some habits have formed over time,
until I did not realise the inappropriateness of it all.
High time that I changed.
Take charge and remove my flaws.
If you people see something tt I didn’t do quite right
please point it out to me.
Becos we are unable to see our flaws sometimes,
that is why we need a sincere, watchful eye on us.
Especially people who bothered.
If you can be bothered, please tell me so.
I’ll try my best in correcting it.
I don’t wanna end up irritating half of the world’s population,
without me realising it.
Bad example, but maybe all of us Frodos need a Sam to tell us
the painful truth sometimes.
And to carry us when needed =X …
Alright. Time to sleep.
I made mistakes.
I don’t wanna make things worse than it already is.
I will shut up.
I am not assuming anything,
jus tt I know I have to keep my big mouth shut now.
=X
(Quit (Have you ever wondered which hurts the most: saying something and wishing you had not, or saying nothing, and wishing you had?))
Went for K Box early with popiahz
in the morning for the cheap cheap ktv session.
Got food n drinks for $10/person.
Sang all the sad sad songs… Typical of me…
Then watched Honey,
dancing Hip Hop show… Not too bad,
but not incredible either.
Just a little too mild too glam too perfect too Hollywoodish… =\
But I liked the dancing bits…
Made me wanna go learn Hip Hop dance… Moahahaha…
Watched Big Fish.
Not a bad movie… I kinda like it’s quirkiness…
Well initially the meeting… at least to me, it was quite stiff.
We were either in silence, or talking about mundane stuff.
I hope he dun feel shitty meeting me up man.
Or meeting me up becos of guilt or sympathy…
I know I think WAY too much.
But I jus hope things get less tense between us…
It all lies in me I know.
I am the one still feeling for him, not the other way round.
So… it’s my own fault.
Went Rush, some techno club in Md Sultan…
With Lee-Anne, snowapple, Sap, Danice, 3 other guys…
In the true LT style of clubbing,
I drank and I drank… I danced and I danced…
Even if it’s the wrong kinda music.
They thot I was trying to get his attention,
but no, I club that way ever since forever.
In my higher state of consciousness, I knew he was there in the corner.
But I just partied without worrying abt his impression of me.
I am not going to compromise my fun for anybody.
Then we went to Lau Par Sat for supper,
I vaguely remembering myself eating Kuey Chap, eating satay…
Then we walked to One Fullerton to look at the backside of Merlion.
Talking cock all the way.
I usually walk fast, and I was ahead of the gang.
He caught up with me n wanted me to say what is bothering me.
I told him, in my half-soberness,
that there is no point in saying anything anymore,
I know I got emotional then.
But there IS no point in saying anything anymore,
so what if I talk about it?
Will I feel better? No. Not at all.
I might just end up crying there and then.
I don’t wanna dampen all of their moods…
Then we proceeded to WALK to Geylang Lorong 9 for Dou Hua…
Lee-Anne’s feet were hurting from wearing boots
and I exchanged my flatties with her…
Well din hurt as much as I thot,
wanted to try wearing boots long time ago,
actually found it quite comfy!
Better than my other pairs of heels lor…
Even though wearing heels for long walking session wasn’t tt smart,
I guess if my fren’s feet feel better,
it’s worth it. ;P
When I finally hopped onto a cab at 6am,
caught a last glimpse of him.
I said to myself “Goodbye”.
Yes it’s me being emo again.
Then he called me out of concern, cos I looked kinda ill.
Appreciate that.
But after hanging up, I started crying.
I don’t know what kinda feelings were rushing thru me then.
But I know it’s about losing something tt matter to me alot.
When I reached hm… I cried till I fell asleep…
Ha ha, haven’t done tt in a long time.
Nearly a year le…
I dunno why I am taking this so badly this time.
“My heart is that much harder now,
that’s what I thought before today… Before today…”
Ahz… Watched Monster,
featuring Charlize Theron as the prostitute turned serial killer.
The transformation is INCREDIBLE.
The make up turned her into another person,
and not to mention her acting.
WHOO…
Will never look at her the same way again.
Who did I watch it with?
Lee-Anne, her bf Galen, her bf’s fren Joseph.
Snowapple joined us for dinner too…
The 2 girls r having lotsa fun talking all about girly stuff
and giggling abt everything…
I was too tired to join in.
Haven’t been sleeping well or enough.
Even told her to kick me off the channel if she saw me online tonight.
Horrible stuff happened tonight,
but I don’t think I shld mention it here.
Well it’s supposed to be some “match-making” thingy…
I just asked her to intro me guys.
Not being despo here, but well it’s for the fun of it.
Well I am single u know…
I appreciate tt she wanna cheer me up n stuff…
But I guess I won’t be opening up anytime soon.
Shop’s still closed for renovation.
And the reno workers are on strike. *shrugs*
As for the guy, he’s mature, stable, decent, can talk.
That’s about it.
My heart is still (insert word).
Sorry girl. But thanks, dun mind being frens.
It has been a long week.
And I am going to karaoke, n watching Honey with popiahz later…
Then meeting him.
For Big Fish,
For a “last” movie.
I don’t know why I even proposed tt idea.
Maybe jus wanted to watch a movie with him,
just one last time.
Closure.
And say a final goodbye, a final hug maybe.
I don’t even wanna think abt it.
As long as we do not get into any argument or something. =\
And part ways, smiling and with good memories.
That is ALL I ask for now.
All the best I hope.
I dun wanna screw up this friendship.
Or whatever that is left of it.
I really dun.
But why is it that whatever I do or say seemed to irritate him?
Maybe I shld really leave him alone.
I know somehow he needed someone to talk abt his job thingy…
Or abt his family or something.
But I guess I am not the one to talk to now…
Even though he tells me he’s alright, he’s ok…
But I sensed his irritation.
Or maybe I jus pissed him off generally.
I don’t know. My behavior, my thinking…
I jus wish he could tell me exactly wat is bothering him.
I wanna care. Dumb of me to do that.
But I wanna see tt he is happy.
Only that I will have my closure.
But if my care, my concern is irritating him,
I will be really lost.
I really shld jus not msg him on irc, icq, yahoo anymore.
I just want to be there for u.
All I ask for is some appreciation.
Some taste of our friendship in the past.
That is all.
And don’t go on about it anymore.
What will happen had happened.
What will go wrong had gone wrong.
If I am not right for you, so be it.
I dunno what is it that u find that I dun understand.
But I understand that, it’s a time for the credits to roll…
The audience to leave the seats…
Janitors will come and clear up the mess in the theatre,
remove the cups, popcorn boxes, and so on…
There will be little little bits of popcorn still stuck somewhere
in the carpet.
They might jus stay there forever, staining the theatre.
We can only hope for an extremely fussy cleaner who
decides to give the theatre a good scrubbing.
And the next bunch of movie-goers will come into the theatre,
enjoying the movie that might just be nice.