OK! Another blog entry…
zzz.
First freelance in a long time I guess.
Helping Nellotoy do an ad on Calarasi-It’s-Never-Just-A-Home condo.
ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Working later.
Will be going to office later.
ZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
Had a nice Sunday night chilling with him.
My Evil-Bot greeting msg when I log in to #singapore20plus
is now “I see the smile In your eyes, and it felt like forever…”
OH GOD. I AM FALLING.
Just to backtrack a little…
Went for the major gathering of my #whine+die ppl.
There was a weird guy, he’s around 40+ or 50+…
Quite annoying and really made people uncomfortable.
He was even to an extent = rude.
The rest of the people were really fine…
Maybe no more big gathering from now.
It’s hard for a big group of people to click really well huh.
I felt really bad excluding him from the Hideout session,
since I invited him previously.
But I have to do something to protect the other people present,
I don’t wanna spoil the night of those who are going to Hideout.
He called me a liar. 
I don’t know what to say. I can only pretend I didn’t hear it.
Hideout is really nice.
I love the red color decor… The lamps, the bohemian style.
It’s all very pretty!
My kinda music that night.
Maybe I’ll go there by myself the next time.
Sometimes, I just wish people will enjoy themselves,
especially when I was the one to suggest that outing.
But sometimes trying to entertain people can be tiring.
Trying to cheer them up and into a laugh.
I’m tired. And I don’t know of what.
Am I sinking into depression again?
Had a great talking kok session with CK, Serge, Justin,
and his friend Ka Wee, who was my colleague in Mediaworks before he went NS and met Justin! ;p
Interesting…
What is the problem with people nowadays?
My own channel named #whine+die,
and I can’t even talk abt the things that I’m bothered about?
Who the fuck are you to judge me?
I know u’ve been through alot in ur life,
you are a survivor, you are whatever whatever.
Does it make it your right to be obnoxious?
I treat u as a friend, therefore I tell u things about myself.
And you say I complain too much?
WTF! So we shall only engage in shallow talk and idle banter?
If you find it too much for u to handle,
other people will be nice enough to offer a simple listening ear.
That’s all I want, and that’s all I need.
I dun need ur judgement and I dun need ur sense of superiority
to scrutinise how much of a failure I am?
I am no failure, but is failing to be contented considered fatal?
Or would contentment spell the death of a more wonderful future?
It’s all up to the individual.
My problem will still be mine, never yours, never anybody else’s.
Thank you very much.
But. What is wrong with YOU?!
Getting straight As will make u God?
Come on! You dun seem to be as shallow as this before.
Name: alt
September 18 1981
[edited for privacy] PM Time Zone is JT
Singapore, SING
>> Rising Sign is in 21 Degrees Capricorn
You are practical and reserved but very ambitious. An achiever and a hard worker, you respect success. Older looking (OLDER??!!!) and very serious as a youth (Always hv been noisy but very nerdy when younger), things lighten up and you relax more as you mature. You have a serious view of the world as being a difficult place to be in. Very envious of those who seem to have an easier life than you have, relaxation and play do not come easily. It is important that you had abundant parental support as a child so that you do not feel lonely and isolated as an adult. Generally, you have a good, earthy sense of humor that can carry you through when times really do get tough. You are purposeful, self-willed, industrious, realistic and responsible. (very choon)
>> Sun is in 25 Degrees Virgo.
Extremely careful and cautious by nature, you value neatness and order above all else (Sometimes I can be very slack and messy). You rigorously practice very high standards of living and conduct and you demand the same of everyone with whom you come into contact. At times, you are so supercritical that you are merely nit-picky. You are very good at practical skills and quite handy with tools of all kinds. You are also greatly concerned with hygiene, cleanliness and personal health problems. Very likely your health is much better than you think it is — don’t worry so much! Extremely methodical and analytical, you are a perfectionist — this makes you the perfect person to carry out highly detailed, precise operations. But, at times, you pay so much attention to details that you lose sight of the larger issues. (Sometimes I find myself less a Virgo… -_- )
>> Moon is in 21 Degrees Taurus.
Warmth, comfort, security and familiar surroundings are necessary for you to feel at ease. Very loving and affectionate, you prefer a steady, patterned way of life. Patient, calm and steadfast, you are not easily upset (I am very easily affected by what people say). Others look to you for support. You tend to be a slow starter and a slow mover — others may try to rush you, but they will never succeed. Emotionally, you are quite stubborn — your attitudes about people and things were firmly set in your youth and will change very little as an adult. You are also very cautious and conservative about spending money. It is not that you are selfish, you just need to feel secure. Beware of a tendency to become overly complacent and too self-satisfied. (Damn right abt this part)
>> Mercury is in 20 Degrees Libra.
You are known for not jumping to conclusions about things. You tend to weigh all possible choices very carefully before making a decision. When in the slightest amount of doubt, you will compromise rather than ruffle any feathers. (Yesh I love sacrificing and I am quite irrational… RIGHT) You are a true raconteur of culture and taste — your ideas and opinions are neat, elegant and refined. A born diplomat, you dislike discord so much that you will go out of your way to make others feel comfortable and at ease. You speak softly and pleasantly. (I dun speak softly. But I can!)
>> Venus is in 06 Degrees Scorpio.
Your feelings about others are deep, powerful, intense and complex. When you like someone, you do so totally and obsessively if you do not like someone, they do not exist. Your faithfulness and loyalty to your lover is unquestioned, indeed at times it is too much so — you get so possessive that you almost smother your partner. At times, your feelings are kept deep within you and, because they are so complex and intense, they frighten you — this is the way that you try to ignore them. But the more you try to do this, the more explosive things get when you eventually do express them. (Damn right again =\)
>> Mars is in 10 Degrees Leo.
You are a very proud person. Strong, bold, courageous and self-possessed (No leh? Bold? Courageous?), you love to be the one to initiate significant actions. When people expect a lot of you, you respond positively and will work hard in order to maintain their respect (Yes yes yes) . But when your dignity or pride is threatened, you tend to become sarcastic, arrogant and domineering (No I sink into depression). Try not to take any challenge or resistance that you meet as a personal affront. You are very stubborn about your right to live your life according to your own principles.
>> Jupiter is in 15 Degrees Libra.
You are generally good at balancing opinions and judging issues, but you tend to be indecisive when it comes to making up your own mind. You are objective and quite concerned with fair play and justice. But, when it comes to yourself, you are so aware that whatever you do might upset the apple cart that you often choose to compromise rather than do anything that might make you lonely or vulnerable. Relationships are very important to you — you learn about yourself and grow through observing yourself interacting with others. Your aesthetic tastes are refined, but expansive and expensive. (Spot on)
>> Saturn is in 10 Degrees Libra.
Although you take quite a while to make decisions, you usually consider all sides to a question, all the pros and cons, and the solution you come up with is very often the correct one. You tend to be very reserved and shy, but, once you make a commitment to someone (in either a business or personal relationship), the partnership is forever. You have a strong sense of justice and fair play and greatly respect the laws and institutions by which you are governed. As such, you are outraged when others break laws or show contempt for authority. (Breaking rules are fine, as long as they dun impost harm on others…)
>> Uranus is in 26 Degrees Scorpio.
You, and your peer group, demand to confront life at its deepest and most meaningful levels. Very compulsive and obsessive in your approach to everything, you will avoid anything that is casual or superficial, especially when it comes to relationships. You will seek out and explore new methods of healing as well as different ways to deal with deep-seated emotional problems. (:D:D:D)
>> Neptune is in 22 Degrees Sagittarius.
You, and your entire generation, are heavily involved in investigating and idealizing foreign and exotic intellectual systems and religious philosophies. The most extreme ideals will be pursued with gusto. You will be at the forefront of humanitarian attempts to improve the lot of those who are in need of assistance. You will be comfortable with the concept of the “global village.” (AWWWWWW… We jus think too muchie)
>> Pluto is in 23 Degrees Libra.
For your entire generation, this is a time of radical changes in society’s attitude toward marriage and interpersonal relationships. There is a general fear and awe at the power inherent in making emotional or contractual commitments — they will not be entered into lightly. (Won’t get married THAT early… ;p)
>> N. Node is in 00 Degrees Leo.
You prefer to take the leadership role when it comes to dealing with others. You enjoy administering and organizing group activities (No I hate that). Others tend to listen to your suggestions because you aren’t usually overly domineering or patronizing in your interactions. You love to entertain in a big way — you’re at your best when throwing a large and lavish party. Your popularity and social success are assured as long as you don’t take others for granted — resist the temptation to become snobbish and arrogant. (But I do like having alot of friends to combat my eternal loneliness ;p )
OOo…
“You’ve already won me over
In spite of me
And don’t be surprised if I fall
Head over feet
And don’t be alarmed if I love you
For all that you are
I couldn’t help it
It’s all your fault!”
~ Head Over Feet by Alanis Morissette
The storm is over indeed.
No big grudge is being held now it seems.
But we haven’t been talking like in the past,
nor did she come in to #whine+die as often as before.
She did forward me some sms regarding some free Centro,
free flow event, but I was ill that night, so… no go!
Paranoia ahead:
I guess, letting things go the way it should, naturally,
and pretending we’ve never known each other,
might be the way things will turn out, eventually.
Reading her blog nowadays is just like roaming around in RBJ,
just like reading about the problems strangers have in their lives.
Thinking too much, feeling too much as usual.
Listening to the beats of Sunaga T Experience now,
some Japanese bossa nova songs that Ethan sent me the other day.
With the light breeze blowing through the window,
and onto my face now. I feel… relaxed.
With my lunch still warm in my stomach,
I feel like falling straight onto bed and sleep the rest of the day away.
Dreaming of a time when I could simply just lie on my hammock,
sipping a chilled Lychee Martini (yes that drink),
thinking of nothing in particular, looking out into the turquoise sea…
And of course, the person that I am going to spend my life with,
is relaxing on his striped beach chair, with a book over his face.
But no. I am heading off to work at 3pm.
And the man of the moment, leading his life elsewhere,
going through his daily job-finding sequence.
This is how life drains our very passion for it.
A snippet of our stupid conversation here.
No, he won’t get to read this… ;p
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Some might find it terribly boring.
Sitting around all day.
But, we all have our personal dreams, can’t we?
Even as I say I will not want to get married now.
But deep down inside, I know I do. Eventually.
Dawny made me do a personality test, and it revealed that of me.
Damn. Even denial is so tough nowadays.
Where is he?
Suddenly, all is fine now.
She msged me on ICQ last night.
And suddenly, just like tt, the storm blew over.
She’s still not in my channel but a “*hug*”
from her thru ICQ is quite touching… =\ oh well…
I am running a fever now…
So I called myself DiscoFvr in IRC…
How apt…
FREAK OUT! This is Disco Fever! -_-
Also, for me and K, we are QUITE fine now.
We both having flu now. Kinda dumb I would think. Hee…
I hv been spreading the flu virus around,
in my attempt to be hardworking and turn up for work,
and now another of my colleague has gotten e flu as well.
Reminds me of the SARS advice >
“Be Responsible! Stay Hm If You Are Not Feeling Well!” :X Oops.
In the end I haven’t been too productive at all,
Did some dumbass rough cut for Perceptions only…
OH MAN. I shld have just taken the MC…
As wat K would say “Stubborn la you…”
I can be. Oh wedl.
Went to Velvet on Wednesday night.
Maybe I din have the mood, maybe it was sincerely boring.
Or maybe the DJ was disappointing,
or maybe it was too crowded to even wriggle.
So we left at 12 plus..* -_-
Random thought of the night:
l like guys in crisp white long sleeve shirts.
Top few buttons undone… HMM
Saw Sap’s comment on her blog.
Not very friendly some people.
To think he was the one being more of an ass.
I wonder how can he tolerate his other ex.
Weird people.
But his comment manage to break me down into tears.
Reminding how horrible I am as a person,
Congrats in pissing me off.
Suddenly suicide seems good at this moment.
OK! I’ve just lost myself a friend.
All because I dunno how to keep my mouth shut.
Yet again.
Sometimes I fin it so hard to please people nowadays.
I admit I should have kept my fking mouth shut then
SF mentioned the initials of that guy,
even without Dz telling me to ke!ep the secret to myself
I know I should shut up. There and then.
Pehaps it sounds lame, but during that fateful conferencecall,
it was too chaotic for me to make out wat she said,
until now I realised she was telling me to zip it,
all the while I thought she was telling everyone not to say it.
Plus someone ha correctly ment!oned the guy’s initials
and I supposed they knew as well.
I was distracted during the phonecall in fact,
cos all the while I was still chatting online.
No excuse for not using my brain I know.
Dz had been openly doing the !seen
once she stepped in, with everyone in sight,
quite obvious, considering my channel is a very small one.
He’s not in my channel anyway…
Moreover, she never did that in my channel b4.
Not that I know of anyway.
So actually I THOUGHT it was alright to tease her about it too.
Thing is, I told no one abt the rest of the things she told me b4.
There I go again, assuming my ass off.
We started out on a bad note,
after that particular moment,
when she told me what mistakes I might hv made to incur e wrath of my ex,
from then on – I treasured her friendship very much.
Being a very strong and articulate girl she carries herself well,
considering she is just 19.
In comparison, I seem much more childish huh.
Not as street smart, not as tight-lipped abt things.
No amount of apologising and reflection will make her regain my trust in me again,
but sometimes her over-sensitiveness tend to go a little over the top, I notice.
I guess that is her.
I don’t blame her. All I ask for is her forgiveness,
I don’t expect her to tell me anything about her inner self now.
All the things I went out of my way to help,
all the effort I made,
trying to make people comfortable in the surroundings,
sometimes I just can’t be bothered to say anything or do certain things
but because I treasured someone’s friendship,
I try my best, and I did all I could to help them.
But all the merit points I accumulated up over the period of time,
can get forfeited, in a few minutes.
Note to self,
taking pictures of people without their consent can be very risky.
Close friends included.
Even if you are using a digital camera,
where pictures can be deleted w a single press of the tiny button.
I guess it’s hard to get people to be as easy-going as I am now.
Not trying to win points for myself,
but I guess I am extremely forgiving towards the! people around me.
I mean, I want people to be happy, even if I am not.
Who am I to be pissed at people
when I’m always the one who offends people every now and then?
And if I am pissed at you,
I’ll come up to you and tell you about it.
Sometimes, it’s a misunderstanding.
Sometimes, it’s over-sensitiveness wrecking havoc.
Sometimes, it’s just for taking you as my friend.
And I respect the flaws in you as well.
As I tell everyone, maybe I should just turn into a hermit.
The world will be happier with one less irritant to go around.
Well… Even though I haven’t been updating you guys
with shite from my life.
But I have been working, meeting up friends,
attending a wedding at Equinox’s New Asia Bar at Level 71
of the Swissotel…
A kind of wedding I would like to hold very much as well.
Everybody chomping on yummy finger food, downing free flow wine…
Of course for mine, there’ll be free flow VODKA 
Nice view. Wanna chill out,
but just pre-occupied with something on my mind.
Many people dunno much abt my relationship with K.
In fact, I dunno what to put of it either.
When we r out, it appears we r together.
When we are not meeting up, I dun hear from him very much.
He’s busy with his job-searching I know.
And there was a period of time when I cut him off totally,
and only to be greeted with another cold-shouldered response.
I gave up.
Only to go “crawling” back, as some would put it.
I missed him a lot.
I got no idea why I like him so much.
If it’s someone else, I would have given up, and moved on LONG ago.
But no, I didn’t move on.
And I am still pining over his presence.
WTF am I doing?
WTFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF!!!!!???
That aside, last night I went out with Kim, Shaiful, and his friend Raihan.
Mad Monk’s bar, the lesbo bar whom many know it to be.
But no lesbo, except for one pretty butch with great skin n stuff…
But HEY! She might be st8!?
Give her the benefit of doubt ok… -____-
Well not bad, a simple slacking night out with Drum n Bass music,
BLASTING off inside while we marvelled at the POWER of the bass OUTSIDE.
They blasted em music so loud until the windows shuddered with every “DOOM” man. Sounds like the end of the world to me -_-
IF I were inside anyway. Heh!
Not bad a night out, perhaps just the wrong crowd to hang out with.
I mean, Shaiful n his friend, who slept the night away,
are not people I would like chilling out with.
I fell asleep there even… so… ehem…
Well I spent $123 on skincare yesterday as well.
Recommended by Kim,
the brand from Korea seemed to work absolutely well for me!
And also, it’s not as expensive like some others like Biotherm and stuff…
Water-based product, and it absorbs well!
Well at least I dun see peeling now…
It also does not give me the sticky feeling. 
It’s called Leneige,
try it out if you girls are looking for a skincare range as well.
Expensive for my pocket, but I guess preserving wat’s left of my youth
IS VERY IMPORTANT OK. -_-