Barffie The Whine Connoisseur

All the while I know myself as being
self-bashing,
self-loathing,
self-doubting.

Today someone who barely knows me tell me
“Don’t let yourself, get to yourself too much.
Don’t let your past haunt you…”

The powers of the deck…
Sometimes you just have to believe in such things.

Had a nice day watching Dracula 2000, and Musa with some of the folks from the channel.
Nice food too, thanks Audrey…
:D:D
Nice reading too Lud… ;p;p;p

Yeah I hate myself, blame myself too much when things happen.
I know it,
but I can’t help it.
I seem to irritate the hell out of everyone sometimes,
with my paranoia, with my insecure self…
Even nice things I do seem to irritate people,
I got no idea man.

I know I am not bad.
But I don’t think I will ever be someone’s love of their lives.
I am too unspecial.
Just any other needy girl…

Yeah I am still letting myself get to myself.

OK This is Freaky.
But. Whoo. It sums me up like TOTALLY.

“You are an ENFJ:

What is there to say about you? You’re a lively and enthusiastic facilitator who applies warmth and vision to helping people and meeting their needs. You are aware of people’s aspirations and develop plans of action to make those aspirations into reality. You’re loyal to causes or people you like/respect.

You’re tolerant and appreciative of others..seeking involvement with them in life’s tasks. You’re at your best when facilitating situations that require interpersonal sensitivity. You tend to be self-critical…

Now, just a bunch of … strung together: cooperative, friendly and like harmony…. constantly on the go, involved in many things…love being with friends, clubs and any activity that allows you to be with others. You’re gracious, charming, aware what is and isn’t appropriate behaviour…also, you’ve got a verbal gift and communicate well..

You’ll set goals and follow through diligently and usually get whatcha strive for…in group learning situations, you learn best where you can talk about the lesson/topic and interact with your peers…but you like SOME independent learning and projects…you feel responsible for the feelings of others… You radiate sympathy and understanding…

You like being a team leader…encourage cooperation…focus on ideals and work within those ideals…you do best when there’s a spirit of harmony… you like your work to be settled and orderly, but not so much that it is dull, quiet or unchallenging…likely do well as actor, counselor, teacher, and anything else that lets you help others…

As a leader, you encourage others to participate and are not a neo-Nazi. You put personal relationships and responsibilities before you kick back. You enjoy reading novels and watching movies to see how the characters play out the life issues they confront in the story.. you like watching people…and BBSing on the Storm Palace…

You take others’ needs seriously and often put your own needs on the back burner behind family, job or community….romantic…fall in love HARD… when commitments break, you get upset because you see as personal reflection on you because you’ve idealized the relationship…

Watch out for being blindly loyal to others or to causes that may not deserve your consideration…you’re old fashioned….learn to recognize other people’s limitations…don’t avoid confrontation and conflict by sweeping it under the rug…don’t take criticism personally and become illogical…. I’m getting tired from all this damn typing!

You’re so idealistic, you often don’t see things the way they REALLY are, but how you wish they were….try to be less sensitive…”

A song from Punch Drunk Love…
that goes…
HeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsme
HeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsme
HeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsme
HeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsme
HeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsme
HeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsme
HeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsme
HeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsme
HeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsmeHeneedsme
Heneedsmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee…
HAahhaa this song is hard to get out of your head. ;p
Been listening to alot of songs and scores from movies and TVCs…
More often than not,
the music and songs make you remember the scenes of the movie better,
and sometimes,
they even give you a false sense that,
the movie is actually better than it really is.

Is it just me or does anybody feel the same way too?

Hmm, bad example here, but
what would “Chicago” be like without it’s songs?
Or …
Would “Requiem For A Dream” be as haunting,
without it’s theme music droning throughout the movie?

“Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Rings” had some Celtic influences,
in the style of Titanic’s scores,
the humming female voices, the flutes…
But it was a good movie nonetheless.

Would it be better if there is a more unified theme melody?
At least when we hum it, we’ll know it’s from LOTR.
Who can forget the Titanic tune?

Or… Would “In The Mood For Love” be as intriguing,
without that Yumeiji’s Theme?
*Deng deng deng, deng deng deng, deng deng deng, deng deng deng…
~~~~ YEeeeeeeEeeee YEEEeeeeeeeeEEEEEeee (violin strains lah!)*

PUURRRRFECT SONG for me now… ;p
But he was so niceeeeeeeee!

“you won’t admit you love me
and so how am i ever to know
you always tell me
perhaps perhaps perhaps

a million times i’ve asked you
and then
i ask you over
again
you only answer
perhaps perhaps perhaps

if you can’t make your mind up
we’ll never get started
and i don’t wanna wind up
being parted
broken-hearted

so if you really love me
say yes
but if you don’t dear
confess
and please don’t tell me
perhaps perhaps perhaps

perhaps perhaps perhaps

if you can’t make your mind up
we’ll never get started
and i don’t wanna wind up
being parted
broken-hearted

so if you really love me
say yes
but if you don’t dear
confess
and please don’t tell me
perhaps perhaps perhaps
perhaps perhaps perhaps
perhaps perhaps perhaps”

Why is he so niceeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!
*bites lips*

After returning from my trip to JB,
I found my computer plagued with spyware and this certain “Live Sex Cams” on my taskbar.
Alright, the brother has been surfing some naughty sites again.
It’s fine! But when my Adaware reflected 18 items,
and my IE crashed whenever I start it up,
it pisses me off.

Anyway, just to backtrack a little,
I went to Kranji MRT by a very old route taken by me ever so often… In the past.
I took 168 from the bus stop near my house,
go all the way to Woodlands interchange,
and then a train to Kranji.
Marsiling is just a stop before.
I found myself peering up at where his flat supposedly was,
for a few nolstalgic seconds,
before the view got blocked by the roof of the station.
Yes, this place was where I frequented in the past,
this place was where I gave alot of myself to somebody,
my heart, my soul, my faith, my beliefs…
Lost his new mobile number together with my missing phone,
I guess it’s better that way now.

Didn’t expect to buy DVDs from the JB store reccommended by Dez (oh and you get a discount when you mention his honourable name to the people in there).
BTW, the guy fronting the store looks like a plumper version of “Wang Ren Fu” from teenybopper Taiwanese group, 5566.

But after I saw a copy of “Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Minds” lying just in front of me,
UH OH.
My search for the favourite-est movies for all time commenced.
Some they did not have stock of,
like the ever intriguing Requiem For A Dream,
and Run Lola Run,
and Pleasantville…
But well I got a copy of ESOTSM, Being John Malkovich, Amelie…
Quirky shows, I liiiike…

As for food, we had the famous Bak Kut Teh of JB,
and then to a seaside seafood restoran VERY far away from the city area,
for obviously, seafood. ~~~~~~

OK diet starts tomorrow,
AFTER I settle the stupid CK dept store print ad.
Why Freehand MX got so much problems one????

OH! And dear Seekee and Sergie’s band won the competition of covering Hoobastank’s songs!!!!!!
No prize money, but hey it’s good exposure for their band!
But then they also get invites to the glam glam after party at IndoChine @ Orchard!
AND GET TO MEET THE BAND THEMSELVES!
Not that I crave rubbing shoulders with the rich and famous,
but oooh to meet a very biggggg band at such a memorable and historical event,
it’s quite an experience!
Ahz, you guys’ hard work has paid off!
Now when is your next jamming session? *blink blink*
I can sing quite a few genres as long as the vocal range is on the higher side… *wink wink*

Alright, logging off now.
Going to install my monitor and sound card drivers.
Sick of watching giant icons on my 640 x 480 screen.
Woahahahaha!!!

Alright.
Since we are on the topic of birthday presents,
wonderfully inspired by someone else’s blog,
I would like to mention something that I wanna get as well…

Afterlife – Simplicity 2000 > Chillout album that I so wanna get my paws on.
Yeah.
Or the entire collection of soul-wrenching albums from Lamb will be good too…
How about an original Chillout Album compiled by MOS? ;p
Took a liking to Bjork recently as well.
Anybody got songs to share? Mp3?

Zzz…
Alright, working extra to pay for my mistakes nowsadays…
Costly mistakes these can be.
FattyG, I’m not taking a stab at you,
but I wish there are people who can afford to give me such things
and also pay for stuff for me,
but somehow the guys I meet tend to make me PAP. -_-
Except for K actually… *rubs chin*
ENVY!
But yeah, you are right when you said there are alot of people who bother about you.
How to be mean and nice at the same time???
JIALAT! I cannot leh. =The nicer I am, the easier I get taken advantage of. KNS!
BRrrr!

OK. Birkies.
When am I going to get it?
I think end of Sept.

This month is a bank-account-in-da-rocks month. -_-
And I wish for the reply from Bruce Dunlop soon.
Prease gimme the pay I requested for.
I am worth the moolah!
Me are good worker!
Will work for fooood and moolah and … booze?
NEH MIND
KAR GIN KAR HOR WAHHHHHH
WAH DAN LERRR….
*wails and wails and wails*

And oh. I wish to see him more.
Even it’s just for dinner… *blush*

Right.
As I was announcing all over IRC just now.
“My lust for the Ipod has been rekindled.”
-_- ”’ Ignore me.

After a whole long 5-6 years,
of hype and squeals and holes in wallets from my friends,
I did not lay my hands on the obscenely expensive pair of SLIPPERS,
named Birkenstock.
I know my urge for such things are always slower by a couple of years,
(except for Ipod and lomo and digital cameras)
but yeah,
I have decided to succumb to the lure of
this particular brand of comfy, lasting, yet dressy slippers.
I am back to my slacker dressing a little,
all the pwetty, strappy, cheapo,
yet less-than-comfy shoes that I have been buying,
are getting on my overworked nerves a little.
You know, some days you just wanna wear something you can simply slip on and go.
YET not look sloppy.
Cheapo strappy slip-ons usually do not last under my abuse,
therefore I will now need something slightly hardier,
slightly stylo-er, slightly timeless…
And oh, I absolutely do not buy imitation products of branded goods.
If I can’t afford it, I’ll buy other cheapo brands… -_-

Anybody wants to chip in for my birthday present this year?
Just subsidise a bit for me can liao ahhaaha…
A nice spanking new pair of Birkies… ?

Had some tricky problem to tackle early this week,
to get my blardy sim card and new phone,
but oh well,
like everything else in the world,
it was easily solved by throwing in some money,
and worry about the big lobang in moi pocket later.
Zzz…
Anyway thanks Seekee for offering to help,
and thanks to K for enduring my outbursts and irrational lashings.
=(

You have been my long suffering sandbag since we’ve gotten together,
but I hope you are here to stay, I need someone like you maybe.
Conscience tells me I shouldn’t be abusing our relationship like that,
especially not to you…
But the more I treasure you, the more I honour your opinion,
and the more I feel like chasing you away from me,
so you don’t have to carry my share of shit too.
After all those horrible things that I’ve hurled at you,
you are still a phonecall away.
A sincere “thanks” is no longer enough, you know?

…The more I reach out to you,
the more you shrink back into your shell?

… Some people rather pay for a new line and get a cheaper phone,
than to fork out a lump sum to buy a new phone?
And end up being bound by a 2 year contract,
which will end up paying even more?
No reference to people around me,
but oh 2 of my ex-es are such people. -_-

… We smirk mockingly at the National Day Parade and of Singapore,
yet we can’t take our eyes off the tv screen when the Parade’s on?

For the 100000000th time in history,
I left my handphone in the back seat of some cab.

If it’s on ringing mode,
it might have been found by the driver,
but no, it’s on vibrate mode.
I don’t usually switch my handphone to vibrate mode.

It must have slipped out of my bag while I was getting off.
Had a monitor in the boot,
which I took from someone’s office because they were
throwing it away anyway.
Was rushing to the back to help my brother take the box out,
and I forgot to do what I always do,
CHECK THE SEAT FOR MY THINGS.

So now it’s gone again.
I’m sitting dazed at home,
wishing the cab company will call me anytime soon.
Highly unlikely.

He is very very angry at me.
For being so careless.
What can I say?
=