Monster You And Me.

Ahz… Watched Monster,
featuring Charlize Theron as the prostitute turned serial killer.
The transformation is INCREDIBLE.
The make up turned her into another person,
and not to mention her acting.
WHOO…
Will never look at her the same way again.

Who did I watch it with?
Lee-Anne, her bf Galen, her bf’s fren Joseph.
Snowapple joined us for dinner too…
The 2 girls r having lotsa fun talking all about girly stuff
and giggling abt everything…
I was too tired to join in.
Haven’t been sleeping well or enough.
Even told her to kick me off the channel if she saw me online tonight.
Horrible stuff happened tonight,
but I don’t think I shld mention it here.

Well it’s supposed to be some “match-making” thingy…
I just asked her to intro me guys.
Not being despo here, but well it’s for the fun of it.
Well I am single u know…
I appreciate tt she wanna cheer me up n stuff…

But I guess I won’t be opening up anytime soon.
Shop’s still closed for renovation.
And the reno workers are on strike. *shrugs*

As for the guy, he’s mature, stable, decent, can talk.
That’s about it.
My heart is still (insert word).
Sorry girl. But thanks, dun mind being frens.

It has been a long week.
And I am going to karaoke, n watching Honey with popiahz later…

Then meeting him.
For Big Fish,
For a “last” movie.
I don’t know why I even proposed tt idea.
Maybe jus wanted to watch a movie with him,
just one last time.
Closure.
And say a final goodbye, a final hug maybe.
I don’t even wanna think abt it.
As long as we do not get into any argument or something. =\
And part ways, smiling and with good memories.
That is ALL I ask for now.
All the best I hope.

Enjoy The Credits As It Rolls.

I dun wanna screw up this friendship.
Or whatever that is left of it.
I really dun.
But why is it that whatever I do or say seemed to irritate him?

Maybe I shld really leave him alone.

I know somehow he needed someone to talk abt his job thingy…
Or abt his family or something.
But I guess I am not the one to talk to now…

Even though he tells me he’s alright, he’s ok…
But I sensed his irritation.
Or maybe I jus pissed him off generally.
I don’t know. My behavior, my thinking…
I jus wish he could tell me exactly wat is bothering him.

I wanna care. Dumb of me to do that.
But I wanna see tt he is happy.
Only that I will have my closure.

But if my care, my concern is irritating him,
I will be really lost.

I really shld jus not msg him on irc, icq, yahoo anymore.

I just want to be there for u.
All I ask for is some appreciation.
Some taste of our friendship in the past.
That is all.
And don’t go on about it anymore.
What will happen had happened.
What will go wrong had gone wrong.
If I am not right for you, so be it.
I dunno what is it that u find that I dun understand.

But I understand that, it’s a time for the credits to roll…
The audience to leave the seats…
Janitors will come and clear up the mess in the theatre,
remove the cups, popcorn boxes, and so on…
There will be little little bits of popcorn still stuck somewhere
in the carpet.
They might jus stay there forever, staining the theatre.
We can only hope for an extremely fussy cleaner who
decides to give the theatre a good scrubbing.
And the next bunch of movie-goers will come into the theatre,
enjoying the movie that might just be nice.

Argh.

Heart-wrenching song from Romeo+Juliet…
“Pride can stand a thousand trials
The strong will never fall…
But watching stars without you
My soul cries…”

I dunno how long does it take for me to stop posting
all these emotional shit.
Getting impatient.

But seriously, I know I am going to get over this.
I know that
“In the words of a broken heart,
It’s just emotions, taking me over
caught up in sorrow, lost in the song…”

And I have to do better better better trailers now.
Damn the pressure.
I need to brush up on my script writing skills.
GAAAAAAAAAHHHH…

“I got all my life to live
I got all my love to give
I will survive I will survive!”

Keep Walking.

Well jus wondering why I haven’t killed myself yet.
Considering I live my life mainly by emotions…
Considering alot of things in my life ruffles my emotions…
Very much indeed.

Well some who know me well would know I did fool ard
with a knife b4…
N going to work with a bandana for cover…

Haha… It’s stupid.
I realised how stupid it is.
And I will never do tt again.

I still lack optimism in my thinking.
I am cynical and skeptical as always.
But I know in order to continue living in this world,
in order to survive the stones tt life throws at us,
we have to harden ourselves,
fight against the wind,
breathe deeply,
and keep walking.

If u ever need a hand, I’ll be here.

M. T..

Woke up feeling empty.
Hate that.
Woke up feeling the loss of somebody.
Completely undesirable feelings.

But I remembered feeling strong, beautiful and confident.
Jus the night before.

Why do moods swing?
Godammit.

Stop All That.

Stop apologising.
Stop feeling bad.
Stop thinking u have done me a henious wrong.

Because u didn’t.

You gave me happiness.
Even though it didn’t last.
You gave me hope of a beautiful future.
Even though it didn’t come true.

But I am thankful that we have gotten together once in this world, overcrowded with numb, jaded, tired people.

In the chaos of this messy messy place called earth,
I am thankful
that we have shared the warmth of holding hands,
the comforting presence of a hug,
the sweet softness of a kiss.

Once.

All tt I ask for now, is that you’ll nurse ur wounded heart well.
So tt u r able to give your best to a future one.
Learn to love another whole-heartedly again.
Let another lucky girl experience what u have given before…
Let her learn what can be happiness.

“Every now and then we find a special friend
Who never lets us down
Who understands it all
Reaches out each time you fall
You’re the best friend that I’ve found
I know you can’t stay
But part of you will never ever go away
Your heart will stay

And I’ll be right behind your shoulder watching you
I’ll be standing by your side in all you do
And I won’t ever leave as long as you believe
You just believe…

I’ll make a wish for you
And hope it will come true
That life will just be kind
To such a gentle mind
And if you lose your way
Think back on yesterday
Remember me this way
Remember me this way”
~ Remember Me This Way by Jordan Hill (from the movie “Casper”)

One Fine Day.

“One fine day
You’ll look at me
And then you’ll know our love was
Meant to be

One fine day
You’re gonna want me
For your girl, oh yeah

The arms I long for
Will open wide
And you’ll be proud to have me
Right by your side

One fine day
You’re gonna want me
For your girl

Though I know you’re
Kind of a boy
Who only wants to run around

I’ll keep waiting
And someday, darling
You’ll come to me
When you want to settle down

One fine day
We’ll meet once more
And then you’ll want the love you
Threw away before

One fine day
You’re gonna want me
And one fine day
You’re gonna want me
And one fine day
You’re gonna want me
For your girl”
~ One Fine Day by Natalie Merchant

To Harden Myself.

I’ve felt all these before.
Love found and lost.
I’ve been thru these before…

I’ve been lucky to find people who felt for me.
Then the luck went out way too soon.

Even as I wish for another chance
But I think my faith has been slowly eroded…
Time to harden myself again.

“I am beautiful no matter what they say
Words can’t bring me down
I am beautiful in every single way
Yes words can’t bring me down, Oh no
So don’t you bring me down today”
~ Beautiful by Christina Aguilera

Totalled.

here i am…
telling u guys another of my being drunk/wasted story…

went to Zouk last night with an irc girl fren, Danice…
met up with Celine, Renjie, Shanna, Tressica…
Nice fun ppl!
Had a great night clubbing…

I drank way too much.
I wanted to get drunk ANYWAY.
Yes i got it… got drunk.

Fell over a stool, puked in e loo, cried in public…
I never cried in public LIKE THAT before.

I jus wanted to get wasted.
Yes dumb method to get over the pain.
Immature, childish… whatever u say.
But everyone has their method of getting over something.
That was my method last night.

But I won’t do it again.
Thanks to the girls who took care of me
and Renjie who sent me home,
helped me open the door when I was too drunk to poke the key in.

I won’t do something like that again.

Hopeful?.

It’s not the end.
But things do not bode well.

All I want is something simple, I do not ask for much.
Just leave it to nature to do it’s magic.
Like how we met.
That is magic